The Right Signal

Today Jordan and I drove all the way back to the Bay Area from Reno, and I said goodbye to him because I had to go straight to the airport to pick up my mom. She's finished her stay in NYC and Seattle, and she'll be in the Bay Area for a month now.

She's more chill these days, but she still steps on my nerves from time to time and triggers me a bit. Like when she wanted to grab the stuff in the dryer and started folding it on my bed — even after I explicitly told her it was too late and I'd do it tomorrow. She came in anyway. I know she wants more time with me, or whatever it is, but this kind of boundary-ignoring is a trend, and it reminded me of all those times she crossed boundaries when I was younger. It was upsetting. But I was able to catch it earlier this time too.

Something similar happened on the drive back. I turned on my right signal at some point — maybe too early — and Jordan immediately got alarmed, said don't turn, that guy is crazy, as a new car swerved over fast. A few beats later I told him, a bit tensely, that I know, and that I usually put the signal on and then wait for my turn to actually turn anyway, so there was no need to be alarmed. I didn't phrase it that nicely, which is on me.

He was kind about it though. He told me later he was just alert, that he doesn't want us getting into car accidents because he cares about me and our lives, and that he didn't mean to make it sound like he thinks I'm a bad driver. And I said thank you, I understand. That moment stood out to me, because that's real emotional regulation in real time, and I appreciated it.